Bird on a wire

I know I'm not the only one who has trouble taking in good things, believing and accepting them without looking for the hidden catch.

Somehow that doesn't make it any easier to grow out of that bad habit.

I've gotten so much better at imagining good things for myself instead of disasters. I've even gotten good at believing I deserve them - some days.

But when I get such a cluster as has happened lately, I start wringing my hands a little. What's next, what's next, I say, in my White Rabbit voice.

It's especially hard when there's another person on the other end. When there's clearly a connection that's unusual, and we keep looking at each other funny but nobody wants to say anything about it, other than "Hi," with a rather dreamy look.

He did something really nice for me yesterday, and it was wonderful, and I did my best to just take it in and enjoy it, and not get nervous. But there were those moments, later, where I just didn't know what to do.

What do you do when somebody does something really nice, just because he wants to? I said thank you, of course. I smiled and let him know how much I appreciated it. But there it was, a long juicy stalk of something, with an invisible bud on the end that nobody can talk about, and I can barely look at in my own mind.