Hidden agenda

You know, there are times when I'd really like to blog and just can't muster it up. I'm afraid there have been a lot of those lately.

It's usually because there's too much going on that's personal, that I don't want to talk about because it will be too much like prodding a bruise.

It's times like those when a list of random thoughts or observations is a girl's best friend.

1. I'd like to get a new nose-ring. I've looked and don't see any I like yet.
2. I broke up with that boy I wasn't dating.
3. As a gift to myself, I then went to see (flirt with) the other boy I also wasn't dating. It was nice to see him, but it didn't help much.
4. I feel sad about breaking up with the boy I wasn't dating.
5. I don't necessarily feel like it's the wrong decision, but it is not so easy. I mean, one clever little text does not really solve anything. There are still a tangle of raggedy edges in my chest with his name all over them.
6. Also, there is the lust, which will no doubt be a problem the next time I see him.
7. Oy.
8. See? Even when I set out to make a random list, it is anything but, and the true thing that's occupying my thoughts comes right out front. I might as well stop this list right now and lapse into paragraphy.
9. Though if I do that, I might be tempted into other lapses as well.
10. Consciousness. Employment. Judgment.

Also, I am thirsty, which seems like a metaphor somehow.

The funny thing is, as soon as I decide to lapse into paragraphy, I get all pithy and listlike.

I am a perverse creature. In more ways than (the obvious) one.

It seems to be setting out to be a week of making prudent decisions which I rapidly regret and then pine about. I had also decided not to spend some additional money on a bicycle I can't afford. And now I am sad about that, too.

I think I am still not ready to relinquish my extended adolescent funfest. Despite summer being patently on its way out. Appropriately enough, I am also nervous because my period is a little late. Dudes, that is taking teenage verisimilitude a little too far. Cramps and blood, please. Stat.

Note: Photo courtesy of cell phone cam.