Anniversary

It's Boywich's and my anniversary today. Not the kind you think.

We were together that day, but only after several hours of panicked inability to reach one another. During those hours I learned a few things, about him, and about me.

I learned why people stand on a street corner in a crisis, just bawling without any apparent awareness of being observed.

I learned that my first priority in a disaster is to get myself and my loved ones somewhere safe. If there is anywhere safe.

I learned that I am offended by people who run towards danger with a videocamera.

I learned that I don't understand people who run to the nearest bar.

I learned that New Yorkers are very, very friendly and down-to-earth and kind to one another when they are under threat from some outside force.

I learned that people view firefighters as guardian angels, and perhaps rightly so.

I learned that war has a smell.

I learned that Boywich is not stronger than me.

I learned that I make rapid calculations during a crisis. Kind of similar to how my brain operates when I am in traffic, actually. It's a very, very swift and logical and clear-thinking engine, operating in a surrounding stream of fear and dread. That is a strange combination, and unfortunately, a familiar one. I grew up using that tool, and I've had to use it a lot in my adult life.

I learned that no matter how young and strong we are, we have very little control over when and where we will die, and that that is a hard part about being human.

I learned never to be without a bike, and never to wear shoes that you can't run for your life in.

I learned that words are important, that ideas are important, and that people need words and ideas when they are frightened and don't know what to do.

I learned that a story can be the size of a Xeroxed sheet of paper with a single photograph and a few heart-breaking captions on it.

I learned that peanut butter is an important thing to have on hand.

I learned to carry a toothbrush.

I love you Boywich, hang in there. This post is for you, as it always is.