My Real Personal Ad

W for M

Short, scrappy, fiery postpunk 40-something teenager seeks kind but also scruffy and incredibly sexy plaything. Must be willing to behave as if committed without having a tendency to fall too terribly madly in love with me. Or if you want to fall madly in love with me, must understand that I may decide it's all too much and shove you away and run off to Brazil with Raoul the carpenter with the nice hands.

But really, I won't. I'll just want to feel like I am reserving the right.

Personalitywise, kind of like a steel-shelled M&M. Delicious, dark and velvety sweet inside with a ferocious and occasionally stubborn exterior. Also, not sure whether I want to let you too far in or not.

Physically, oh just fabulous, but don't think I'm immune to the effects of gravity or anything. I mean, jeez, I'm not from Cali or anything. Well, okay, but I got out before puberty, so they're real.

Things to be aware of: My hands are always scarred. I will most likely be bathed in sweat whenever you see me, even before you've given me a reason to be. Not because I'm so terribly nervous but because my first love is bicycles. Oh right, I did mention the bicycle requirement, didn't I?

Yeah well, you'd better be a cyclist or fagheddaboutit.

No, I don't mean a guy who has a hybrid that he rides on Sundays. I suppose I could deal with a roadie, but not if you're going to view every ride as a training exercise and measure your cadence instead of admiring my ass as I pass you going uphill.

But hey, if you're cute and hot and well-behaved, I might knit you something.