Perilous Waters

It's never gonna be normal, you and me. What you're signing on for is a storm at sea. - Zero Seven, Pageant of the Bizarre
How long does one wait after having been through one of those storms before getting close enough to risk another one?

Yesterday I rode into another state on my trusty bicycle, with a small posse of the fastest men I've ever met.

I must be crazy.

It was fun, it was exhilarating, it was a wee bit scary.

I discovered a few things along the way.

1. I am faster than I think I am.
2. I am not as good at climbing as I think I am.
3. I might actually like one of these guys.

Uh-oh.

No, really, uh-oh. I am not sure I can do this. I mean, I don't know if he likes me, too, but he might. (I get a lot of hugs when I see him.)

Here's the thing.

a) Boywich, for all that he is a wonderful, unique, precious-to-me human being, was hell to live with. I am not contemplating living with anyone ever again, and no that's not his fault, I am just clarifying that it's not the living-with that's important here, it's the hell.

b) How long does one need to wait after that kind of experience (and it was a LONG experience, not like a year of that but close to a decade of it) before getting entangled with somebody else, even to the small extent of being willing to let them into your heart at all?

c) Even apart from that, I have been doing Big Work in the last year, Big Work on Old Shit. That kind of work requires a lot of personal space. Can I date somebody during that? I mean, somebody other than an off-again, on-again sexy blonde playmate who would never in a million years get close enough to me to be (emotionally) risky?

This man is not the blonde. Emphatically not the blonde.

Not only is he not blonde by any stretch, but he is (from what I've seen) warm, sweet, interesting, and very experienced in the ways of the world and what that world can throw at a human being. Also handsome, in unbelievable shape, and quite close to my own age.

Crap, right?

Did I mention he has the most beautiful eyes I think I've ever seen on a human being?

He's also a friend whom I increasingly value as a friend, and if anything is going to happen between us I would want to make sure that we could still be friends if it didn't work out. CRAP.

PS. All photos courtesy of pocketcam, which has been performing a yeoman's job in my bike bag lately.

PSdeux. Reading back over this, it sounds like things were all bad with Boywich, which isn't true. A lot of things were good, which was why it lasted so long. It's just that the things that were bad, were bad.